


I Ache in a Language So Old

by KcLeigh



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Action & Romance, Action/Adventure, Alternate Canon, Angst, Badass Rey, Ben Solo is a Mess, Comfort, Confessions, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Firsts, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, Force Dyad (Star Wars), Force-Sensitive Finn (Star Wars), Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren Redemption, Love, Love Confessions, Mutual Pining, POV Ben Solo, POV Multiple, Pining, Poe Dameron Hurts So Prettily, Post-Canon, Redeemed Ben Solo, Reunions, Reylo - Freeform, Romance, Secrets, Sexual Content, Soulmates, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:34:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22823401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KcLeigh/pseuds/KcLeigh
Summary: I ache in a language so old that even the galaxy no longer remembers; so dead that it has turned to dust.Dark premonitions and strange omens plague Rey following the Battle of Exegol. In the midst of trying to resurrect the Jedi Order, her health begins to fail. In a race against time Rey struggles to find answers, while her friends have an entirely different mission: save their friend. Save the only remaining Jedi.Part fix-it fic, part something new.Work title from a writing prompt.
Relationships: Kylo Ren & Rey, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 8
Kudos: 24





	1. A Whisper

She throbbed everywhere. Even her bones seemed to expand with every breath she took, threatening to shatter into countless pieces. It began like stabs. But then something within her had broken open and pain gave way to agony, flooding through her sharper than any blade and hotter than any lightsaber. Electricity jolted through her. It raced up her fingertips and danced in her blood. It crackled through her skin. It blinded her. The intensity was such she couldn't even move her head. It was all she could do to ride the waves without being pushed under by their immensity and weight.

There was only one way for her suffering to end. But she couldn't... she wouldn't... give in. She reached out with her mind. _Please. One moment. Let me have one moment. To remember it all. Before I give out._ Energy ebbed from her. She grasped onto what little remained and pushed with her mind. With everything she had. She blocked out the pain radiating through her, or tried to. Taking as deep a breath as she was able, she opened the corners of her mouth and screamed.

Suddenly she felt her body hit warm soil. She opened her eyes and gasped for air, one hand clutching deep into the wet earth and the other flung above her head. So much green. Dimly, she realized that she was somehow alive. Pain throbbed through her now, in time with her pounding heart.

“Rey! REY!” Finn screamed, racing over the jungle floor and sliding to a halt on his knees beside her. He swept her hair back from her face as his eyes darted frantically up and down her prone form, scanning for damage. Every day for weeks, she'd been training hard. She'd felt her power grow. Now she struggled to even draw breath. 

Poe came darting after, kneeling down on her other side. With one hand he cradled the back of her neck. The other yanked off his handkerchief and wiped at her brow. “Easy now, don’t move yet.” She felt aflame. Her back was drenched in sweat. BB8 gave a frantic chirp. Poe’s eyes darted up to the little droid.

“What happened?” Finn demanded. Poe silenced him with a wave, trying to listen.

“You? Why?” BB’s tone turned frantic.

“So you knocked her over?”

Rey looked up at Finn. His gaze turned from concern to rage as he eyed the droid. She summoned her strength and grabbed his arm before he could do something he’d regret. 

Poe began, “He says…”

“I know what he said…” Rey whispered weakly.

“I know that you know. I’m translating for him,” he gestured to Finn.

Finn's anger didn't subside. “I’m learning, thank you very much.”

“So I don’t need to translate?”

“I mean… maybe for the sake of time…”

Poe sighed. “As I was saying… BB8 says that you stopped mid drill and flung your lightsaber away. You stood unmoving like a statue for several minutes.” Poe poured water from his canteen onto the handkerchief and reapplied it to her forehead. “Then you started screaming," he admitted somewhat shakily, eyeing Finn for his reaction. “BB tried to snap you out of it with a nudge. When that didn’t work, he figured he’d try a bit more speed.”

Finn exhaled a deep sigh and gave a rueful smile to the little astromech. “Never underestimate a droid.” Returning his apprehensive gaze back to Rey, he reassured her. “We got to you as quick as we could.” She could feel Finn’s panic. His worry. And something much deeper and more raw, that Rey hadn’t yet found the proper time to discuss with him.

Finn hadn’t yet learned control over his emotions. He had the worst dejarik face she’d ever seen. Poe, meanwhile, could be planning a mutiny and still look outwardly at ease. He gave her a smile, even if his eyes burned with an intensity that belied the confidence of his demeanor. Complete opposites in some ways, and yet so alike where it truly count. No wonder they were her friends. No wonder she loved them both so much.

 _Balance_ , she heard a faint voice whisper. No one else reacted. 

Rey jolted to a sitting position, looking all around the little clearing on Ajan Kloss. But neither one of her Jedi masters had appeared to her. She shook her head, trying to quiet the ringing in her ears. Finn and Poe looked perplexed and worried. She suddenly felt clammy and began to shake from the adrenaline finally fading from her system. Unable to stay upright, Ret felt herself fall backwards toward the ground. Poe and Finn both caught her and returned her to a recumbent position. “What happened to you?”

“I went somewhere. Somewhere shadowy.” BB8’s dome light glowed brighter red as if to light up the darkness for her.

“Astral projection,” Finn suggested. Her friend had begun his Jedi training and had read the sacred texts.

She leaned back on her palms. “No, this was something different. The pain…” she didn’t continue. Her arms prickled with gooseflesh as she suppressed the memory with a gulp.

“Rey, your grandfather… I mean, Palpatine… was the greatest force seer in the history of the galaxy. What if this is another power that he passed down to you? The First Order may be decimated, but not all of their followers have surrendered. Rey… what if this is a vision into the future?”

She considered, but didn't have time to reply.

“Why does everything have to be so mystical with you two?” Poe shook his head. “She could have had a seizure, or heat stroke, or some form of waking sleep. We need to get her back to base and let Doc Kalonia take a look at her.”

Finn got to his feet. “Doesn’t seem like you’re up to walking. So we’re going to carry you, alright?”

Her practicality won out over her pride. Afraid to sling her over their shoulders for fear of injuring her further, they took turns carrying her in their arms. Rey was used to strenuous labor since childhood, which had made her body strong. She'd become accustomed to the strain and fatigue that occurred after unleashing the full force of her power. This feeling of weakness made her uneasy. Even angry. She looked up as Finn gave a harsh "oof." Navigating her safely across the forest floor presented a challenge; thick undergrowth concealed fallen branches. His grip faltered and he almost sent both of them careening downwards before regaining his balance.

"Give her to me," Poe softly demanded. Finn gave an exaggerated groan and handed her off. She found herself stifling a weak snort.

"Oh, you think this is funny," Finn teased, stretching his back.

"She weighs almost nothing," Poe boasted with a smirk. "What's the matter with you? And what's the point of all that Jedi training if you can't just, float her home or something?" 

Rey looked at Poe. Her friend had a knack for distracting others when they needed it. Annoying Finn was the perfect way to make him forget his concern. So she took the bait. And she gave a weak laugh. Poe quickly joined in, and Finn clomped off angrily ahead of them.

"Seriously, though," Poe whispered to her, "this isn't as easy as it looks. The terrain...is... steep," he said as he struggled up a sharp hill.

They stumbled more than once. Both men arrived at camp sweaty and pained from the exertion. As soon as they broke the tree line at the edge of base, Chewie yelled. He’d been repairing the failing hyperdrive when he saw them. Dropping his tools, the wookie ran as fast as he could to them. Reaching Rey, Chewbacca scooped her from the men as if she weighed no more than a doll. He let out a heart wrenching scream and clutched her to his chest in anguish.

Finn and Poe protested at once.

“Chewie, woah!” 

“Be careful with her!”

“It’s alright,” Rey said softly, her words muffled by his fur. "I’m here with you." Finally understanding, Chewie raced away with her towards the medical bay without a backwards glance.

Finn bit his bottom lip and paused to regain his composure. "He thought she was dead.” The moment of silence stretched out too long.

“I know,” Poe finally answered, his voice little more than a whisper. “For a minute… so did I... He still hasn’t said a word. Not one word since the battle.”

They'd both noticed. Chewie went through the motions: receiving gratitude as a hero of two wars. He ate with them. He worked with them. But he’d retreated somewhere deep inside himself the moment he’d been told of Leia’s passing. Then, he’d stopped speaking altogether when Rey had told him about Ben’s fate on Exegol.

Finn felt unshed tears sting his eyes. He’d grown up so isolated. He’d finally found a family. Then he’d seen Rey lying motionless and he’d feared the worst. Now that he'd had time for everything to sink in, he found himself biting down panic and the urge to strike something. His stomach roiled as he realized just how afraid he'd been. “Poor Chewie. He’s lost more than any of us.”

They stood in silence a moment. Poe felt his throat tightening. Leia’s smiling face flashed in his mind. “Han, then Leia… then her son.”

Neither of them had been able to speak the name _Ben_ aloud. It didn’t seem right. Not after what he’d destroyed. And yet without him, Rey would be dead. They would all be dead. And so would the Resistance. Everything they’d done, all this time, would have been for nothing. For that, they didn’t call him Kylo. But neither did he deserve the good name Leia had given him. 

He missed her so much. Poe’s grief twisted in his stomach. He shook his head. “I don’t understand how Chewie can grieve for that man," he spit angrily. "It’s an insult to Leia and Han.”

Finn bit his bottom lip, trying to answer carefully. “Chewie had to watch the boy he loved like his own son grow up and fall to darkness. He had to learn that the child he helped bring into the world… died.” He saw Poe's eyes dart open in confusion. “Yeah,” Finn smiled despite himself. “Chewie let it slip to me once. We’d drank way too much Phattro. Something to do with a failed kidnapping attempt, a bounty on Han and a blown compression coil. They were stuck on the Falcon. Han gave Chewie the option of keeping Leia calm during labor, or actually delivering the baby. After she screamed in his ear and yanked a patch of fur from his arm, Chewie opted for baby delivery duty. Said it was safer.”

A quick smile, a halfhearted laugh, and they made their way to the med bay. Poe slipped his arm over Finn’s shoulder. The weight of the last few months had hit the two friends hard. The war might be over, but they clearly weren’t out of danger yet.


	2. A Plea

The warmth of her hand on his and her eyes drinking him in filled his soul with pleasure. He held on for as long as he could, smelling her warm skin, noting the little wisps of hair that escaped their confines and surrounded her face in a little halo of light. He sensed her love coursing through him. He knew that she could feel his relief, joy and longing. But he couldn't stay. He'd known what the price would be. _Just a little while longer? Please?_

He could still feel her lips on his. He couldn't wait to taste her again, but was afraid to close his eyes and miss the sight of her. Peace unwittingly gave way to fear. _Please. Please. Not now, when I finally know what to live for._ His eyes anchored on Rey. Then he hardly noticed the pain, choosing instead to concentrate on her beautiful face and her strong muscles, slick with sweat. W _e'll always have this moment._ Then he was gone.

Only, he wasn't.

Ben awoke on a cold, hard surface with a ragged cry. He felt drugged, fuzzy all over. Stumbling awkwardly to his feet, he scanned his surroundings. Darkness on all sides, and in all directions. A seemingly infinite expanse. He held out his hands. His eyes finally adjusted and he could just make out the outline of his form. Arms outstretched, he set out carefully in one direction. His footsteps made no sound. He walked for what felt like hours.

"Hello?" The darkness made no reply. What is this place? There seemed to be no floor, no ceiling, no end. Then Ben noticed something else that wasn’t there. The voices.

 _I have been every voice you have ever heard inside your head_. 

Ben remembered the ominous rumble of Darth Vader, the raspy menace of Snoke, and the realization that he'd been manipulated by Palpatine all along. The painful humming in the base of his skull had been his only companion over so many sleepless nights. He was finally free of them. His eyes went wide with realization and he ran a hand through his hair. Is this chaos? Ben had heard all about the place where sith and evil beings went after death; a pit held back by six impenetrable gates. _It would be what I deserve_ , he admitted to himself. They must have gotten it wrong. Perhaps the ultimate punishment wasn't being tortured for all eternity by the other evildoers sent there. Perhaps it's millennia spent in total isolation. Ben reached out with his mind. He felt no life. He felt no evil. He clenched his fists. _But I still feel this. My body hasn't become one with the Force. Not dead, then?_

Rey. He thought of her again. If he wasn't dead, then he could use their bond to reach her. He took a deep breath and pushed harder with the Force. His eyes closed and he stilled. He couldn't feel their bond. But he did feel something else: a tiny thread tying him to...somewhere. Almost imperceptible, but there. A tether. A thread. But to what? He used all his might to extend his vision along its length, until finally it hit something hard. In his mind's eye, Ben saw it. The edge of this place. Not a wall, exactly, but something hard. A partition? A veil? He could see tiny shards of light through it. Blurry and dull, but there! Perhaps there was a way out, after all. 

_Snap. Snap, snap_. A rapid staccato echoed around him, through him. Fear lurched through Ben and he focused his energy on the wall, ready to defend himself. But he saw her then. Just past the tarnished surface. She was wet. Little rivulets of water clung to her skin and hair. Her arm was raised by her side. "Rey!" He screamed, running towards her.

But she didn't hear him. She snapped her fingers again, looking confused. Ben raced towards the partition separating them with heavy footfalls. "REY!" he called again. He was getting closer now. He could feel his strength returning, his power amplified by the intensity of their bond. Ben smiled and slowed his pace. _She's alive. She's here. She's so beautiful. We can be together._ Her eyes finally darted up to the partition separating them. Ben couldn't help but smile. “Show me,” she said. He approached the barrier slowly, relishing this moment. Confused but so happy.

“Show me my parents,” she plead. _Wait._ She couldn't see him. Ben reached up and placed one hand on its cold surface. He yelled to her again. He had to make her see. "Rey. REY!" Her brows furrowed. She seemed to look straight through him. He began banging on it with all his might and screaming her name until he'd shouted himself hoarse and his knuckles bled. He extended his hands to break free using the Force. The partition held fast.

 _But she already knows who her parents are._ The realization staggered him. _And she’s missing the scar from her arm, emblazoned there by my own lightsaber._ As suddenly as she'd appeared, Rey vanished. All hope fled him and his knees gave way. Ben sat against the cold wall and buried his head in his hands. He’d just seen a flash of something from her past. She wasn't there. Or, perhaps he wasn't. What was this place?

Then a crackle and a sharp intake of breath caused him to turn. He saw her once again, this time held aloft by the Force, in a kneeling position, head thrown back. Agony flashed across her face. Tears were streaming down her motionless face. _No. This can't be._ She was safe. Palpatine was gone. The thread affixed to him suddenly began to tighten and thrum. _I can't get to her._ Frantic, Ben tried to use their bond to take her pain. He reached out an arm and suddenly her thoughts echoed loudly inside his head. A broken plea. _Please. One moment._


	3. A Beacon

The vision abated, and she once again disappeared. Echoes of her permeated the cavern. They echoed around him, through him. He put his hands to his ears to block out the horrid plea, but it persisted. Ben hadn't realized he was holding his breath. Suddenly he was gulping for air. His knees began to ache under the cold surface of his prison. Suddenly another memory took hold of him. 

"I feel the conflict in you," she was saying with such confidence. Another time, another place. Her hands might have been bound, but they both had known she'd been in control. In the elevator... on the way to Snoke. Her heart had been pounding as loud as his had been. He could see her pulse racing against her throat. She'd pled with him then. Told him she'd seen his future. "Just the shape of it, but solid and clear." She'd asked him to join her. To turn. How many times had he made her plead?

Then suddenly, unwillingly, he remembered something else. The beautiful way her jaw had clenched in sleep. He'd carried her aboard his ship, lighter than a feather. She'd awoken with a start to find herself in chains. Chains he'd put her in himself. His precious prize. He'd knelt in front of her, relishing this one chance to observe her alone. He'd wondered why he'd insisted on shackling her himself. He remembered how he'd tried to be gentle, not restrain her too tight, and fought back bile when he thought of torturing the location of Skywalker from within the depths of her memory.

Of course, her first thoughts had been of her friends... his father among them. "Where are the others?" she'd asked. "You mean the murderers, traitors and thieves you call friends" You'll be relived to hear I have no idea." Ben bit his bottom lip at the memory. The words had escaped him and he had to idea why he'd said it. He could have lied, told her he'd killed them. He'd wanted to kill them. But no. Even then, he'd felt her anguish... not over her own eventual fate, but of theirs. And he had wanted to alleviate that fear.

"You still want to kill me." The realization had made him admire her all the more. And hate himself all the more. "That's what happens when you're being hunted by a creature in a mask." A creature? Is that what she thinks of me? It had irritated his pride. He knew that now. Otherwise, why had he removed his mask and allowed her to see his face? When he had revealed himself, her hatred had mingled with confusion and something else then. He'd felt something warm take hold of her, something that mingled with the hatred until she'd squashed her feelings deep inside. As his interrogation continued, he'd remembered feeling shame over the lust that throbbed deep within him for the waifish girl with hair plastered to her head with sweat. Just a scavenger. How wrong he'd been. "You know I can take whatever I want." His mission had been derailed by thoughts of reaching out a hand to cup the back of her neck. Tearing her hair free to see it flow down her shoulders. Watching her strain against the cuffs, not to back away from him, but rather to breach the distance between them. He remembered that his hands had begun to shake as he placed one near her skull to read her thoughts. He hated doing this. He hated himself.

So lonely. He'd never felt a loneliness like hers, except within himself. At night, desperate to sleep. Just like he was, missing his parents, but knowing that he could never go back. That they'd never side with him, believe what Luke had tried to do. Her skin had smelled of sunlight, of earthy sweat, of something spicy. She'd hated him. He'd hated her for making things so complicated. And yet, beneath it all, he'd felt something pulling them taught together. "Don't be afraid, I feel it too," he'd told her.

But Ben had been terrified. But he needed the location of the map, and had invaded her mind once more. This time he'd made it painless. But then she resisted. She fought against him with all her might, railing against his trespass. That kind of resistance would have hurt. Badly. Her breath had become ragged. He remembered with shame that it had made him want her all the more. 

The weight of his guilt and self-disgust rose like bile within him. A bitterness that he thought had gone the moment he flung Kylo’s saber to the depths on Endor’s moon. A flash of malice. Of darkness.

 _I have been every voice you have ever heard inside your head._ He’d tried so desperately to ignore them, to stifle those voices for years in his youth. Finally they were gone. Was his punishment? To have them replaced by a different voice? One in perpetual anguish, the girl he loved to haunt him for eternity with her pain? _That would be fitting_ , he thought. _It would be what I deserve._

 _I have been every voice you have ever heard inside your head.  
  
Not true_, another voice spoke within him. _You answered when I called to you._ His lip quivered. He knew that voice. Rising on his knees, he turned towards it.   
  
“Mother. I…” he dissolved, hating himself, unable to go on. Leia smiled. She looked younger, more at peace. “You’re not here," Ben reasoned. "Just like Dad. He was just a memory. But I wanted so badly to see him…”  
  
“Just because your father wasn’t a Jedi doesn’t mean his love for you ended with his death.”  
  
“I killed him. Just like I killed you.” She shook her head. “After all I’d done, Mother. You still reached out to me that day…”  
  
“Yes. I reached out to you. And her.”  
  
“To Rey? You saw us fighting?”  
  
“I called your name, knowing you needed to know that there was another way. I called to Rey because... so did she.”  
  
His confusion quelled his tears. Leia smiled, and continued. “She felt me die. And hatred sparked within her.”  
  
“She beat me. I felt the saber go through right here.” He placed a hand on his chest. His shame made him want to look away. His love for his mother made him want to drink in the sight of her. She was beautiful, blue and shimmering and smiling at him as if he hadn't rent their family apart.  
  
“I first reached my son. Then my apprentice. To call you both back to the Light.”  
  
“She healed me. I didn’t even know that was possible.”  
  
“Force healing is a very rare gift. But to return someone to the living, before their body can dissolve into the Force… Ben, it’s never been seen before." Ben only shrugged. He'd had to save her. He hadn't considered the alternative. The enormity or rarity of it had never crossed his mind.  
  
“Mother… am I dead?” She shook her head.

“So I’m alive?” She shook her head again. “I don’t understand.”  
  
Pain flooded him suddenly, distracting him. Rey. Was this another scene from her past? Or something else? Her thoughts commingled with her pain inside his skull, and it staggered him. P _lease. One moment. Let me have one moment. To remember it all. Before I give out._ The beautiful lines of Rey's face contorted in anguish. He saw her then, beyond the veil. He could feel her weakening. Their bond slackened and grew weaker. It dimmed under the pressure of her agony. His guilt and pain receded as quickly as they'd come, replaced by determination, sorrow, longing.   
  
Turning towards his mother, he whispered. “I have to fix this. I have to help her. Tell me how.”  
  
“You have everything you need.” She’d begun to fade away.   
  
“There’s no time, please… please. How do I leave this place?”  
  
“You have everything you need.”  
  
"Stay with me. Be with me. Mother..." He could feel Rey weakening. Her pain was drawing to a crescendo.  
  
“My strength is imperfect here," Leia said with apparent sadness. "I cannot stay. Steel yourself, Ben. Remember, the future isn’t fixed. Visions don’t always have to come true. These are your first steps.” With that she was gone.  
  
_Let me have one moment… To remember it all. Before I give out._ No. There it was again. Those haunting words from Rey as she fought for control. He desperately reached out with his mind. Maybe this time it would work. He had to reach her somehow. Closing his eyes, he reached out to the Force around him. Willed it to flow into him. Through him. Eyes still closed, he shot out his hand once more. _Let me reach her. Let me._ Her scream rent his soul as Ben pushed with all his strength. The power of it was unlike anything he’d ever felt before. And suddenly a fissure appeared in the nothingness. Like a sliver of light through a cracked door. Strength hummed through is body. He could feel every hair on his arms standing on end. And the screaming stopped.  
  
He’d done it. He’d helped her. Somewhere, she was exhausted. But she was alive. And she was no longer being tortured.

Ben gasped, and ran to the veil. He ran a fingertip along the fissure. "Perhaps if I could build even more strength, I could find a way out of this place." "I have seen your future," Ben whispered, echoing her words from so long ago. "Just the shape of it. But solid and clear." Was that what these visions were, then? Her future? _Visions don’t have to come true_ , his mother had told him. He had to get out. He couldn't allow it.


End file.
